The Village Chippy, Trafford Park

First up my apologies for being a little workshy on the blog front recently. Truth be told getting the knockback from the Hollands Pie Panel has really taken the wind out of my sails. I think it's up there with the great injustices of our time, Brian Clough not getting the England manager's job, OJ Simpson walking free and Joe Strummer not receiving a posthumous Knighthood (Lord Strummer of Willesden and Cricklewood).
Anyway, onwards and upwards. I work in an area (Salford Quays) that is almost totally devoid of decent chippies. The nearest is Lou Macari’s near Old Trafford and to be honest it isn't up to much. It also bumps up its prices on match days booooooo! So, on a recent drive through nearby Trafford Park I was chuffed to spot a little side street that boasted all the necessities a working man desires, Greggs, Bookies, Post Office and most importantly, a Chippy.
It looked promising as I pulled up outside, a queue of people snaking out of the door is always a good sign. I ordered Cod and a large portion of chips and hunkered down at the little tables provided to enjoy my scran.
As you can see the Fish was a little on the small side, it also curled up at both ends. The batter was ok, maybe a little brittle but the Cod inside was reasonable enough. The chips were a major disappointment though, really dry and there was loads of those little “bitty” ones that are no fun at all. Another bugbear was the fact that I’d ordered a large portion and paid 40p extra for it, but the portion was what I’d call just a standard size and I can name many chippies off the top of my head where you get far more chips for your money. So, overall the Village was my first major disappointment and I'm afraid I can only award it a paltry four out of ten. I'm particularly gutted as I really do need to find a decent chippy within reasonable driving distance of work. If anyone out there knows of one, post it up. In other news, I’ve managed to recruit another like minded sole, our South East Correspondent Tom Dobson who will be publishing his first review shortly. Is there a North/South divide when it comes to the nation’s favourite dish? London lad Tom is the man who will hopefully supply some answers. He’ll also be musing on Gherkins in chippies and that perennial complaint of the Northerner down South “What no gravy!”. Watch this space.

Many are called...

But few are chosen and unfortunately I fell at the last hurdle in my bid to be a member of the Hollands Pie Panel. However I'm undeterred and the search for Chipshop excellence continues. Stay tuned for more news, reviews and tales of derring do with a plastic fork.
My quest has inspired a mate of mine Alex to begin adding a few Chippy reviews to his site at quosh.com it’s not just about fish and chips though. He's also a big fan of John Cooper Clarke who isn’t adverse to the odd pie himself.

Jimmy and the Pie Factory

I took my trusty camera along to Hollands on Friday for the final of the “Pie Factor” unfortunately however photography was not permitted inside the big kitchen. I was also made to sign a very official looking document agreeing not to reveal any of the secrets that might be revealed during the factory tour. I can tell you however, that once inside the palace of pies we were punted across a huge lake of Onion gravy by three dwarven gondoliers in a huge Silver aluminium pie tray to a wondrous land on the other side. There we were greeted by a lovely lady called Debra who gave us the grand tour, her enthusiasm and pride in her work were obvious and the scale of the operation in beautiful, downtown Baxenden was really impressive. The factory tour was followed by a short lecture on the history of Hollands which threw up some interesting facts. Apparently Hollands sell approximately one million pies every week and supply around 70% of the chippies in the North West with their pies. It was also revealed that the prize for being selected as a panel member is a massive 365 pies a year!
Then it was on with the real meat of the matter. When I started this quest for Chip Shop perfection, I never imagined that it would lead me to being blindfolded by a strange man who would then proceed to feed me sweetmeats! But that was the first task I was confronted with in my efforts to gain a place on Holland’s Pie Panel. Other tests included recognition of Hollands Products (I think I did alright there), recognising different types of meat and pastry, a test of my descriptive powers and my ideas for new products for Hollands. After reading the opening paragraph of this post I’ve just thought of another one...Chicken and Magic Mushroom. The tests were conducted totally seriously and anyone who does end up on the Panel will have really earned their place.
Then it was through to the little house next door to the factory for a bite to eat (yes I did have a pie) and a quick chat with some of the top brass including Triple H (Holland’s Head Honcho).
They seemed quite happily surprised by the amount of media attention they’d garnered but as I told HHH there’s a lot of affection for Hollands in this part of the world. Anyway it was a really interesting and enjoyable day and the folks at Hollands are to be praised for the way they look after their punters. It was a textbook lesson in how to sustain a brand’s popularity and relevance among its most ardent customers. Anyway did I get in? I don’t know, they’re going to let all the prospective Panel members know on Monday 27th October. Fingers crossed.

Some things are just wrong!

And deep-fried pizza is definitely one of them. No wonder the Scots have one of the highest rates of heart attacks in the world. Check out this little movie.

Wish me luck as you wave me goodpie!

My application has been processed and the good news is I'm through to the next stage of the selection procedure for a place on the prestigious Hollands Pie Tasting Panel.
I'm off to Hollands HQ in Baxenden next week where the applicants will be whittled down to the final 12. It’s kind of like the X Factor but with pies! First up there’s a tour of the “Big Kitchen” where the wearing of a Hairnet and protective clothing is compulsory. I reckon I'll look pretty good in a Hairnet though, like one of those East LA Chicano Low Rider type dudes. I’ll also be undergoing a Pie taste test and there’s a presentation on the history of Hollands too. Doubtless the good people there will also treat me to a pie or two as well.
It’s like the episode of Cheers when Norm got a job at the Brewery as a beer taster (though he still nipped back to Cheers in his lunch break). I’ll also be leaving with a goody bag containing a pack of pies and a model of a Hollands vintage van. I have already cleared a little space in my special trophy cabinet for that baby. Full story and pictures to follow.

Toffs’ chippy turns up trumps

No sooner do I mention Fosters of Alderley Edge in my Tompsons review below, than it gets nominated as the one of the UK’s top chippies. (It is a cracker). You can read the full story here and download the complete list of nominated UK chippies here.

Tompsons, Bury.

You can't beat local knowledge, so when the time came for another review and knowing that I’d be in and around Bury I turned to a man who treads the grim streets of that humdrum town where the rain falls hard, every working day. As well as being my nephew, Ernie is a friend, drinking partner and confidante, he’s also been a Postman in Bury for over 15 years. Despite his daily physical exertions he’s a little on the "portly" side which he puts down to his love of good provender and fine ales. Mind you he’s not in the same league as this postman! Anyway, I knew that Ernie would be the man to turn to for a pointer towards Bury’s best Chippy. Without a moment's hesitation he came up with one word “Tompson’s” and that was a good enough recommendation for yours truly.
Apparently the Thompson family sold the business to the current owners several years ago and insisted upon them dropping the “h” from the name of the shop. But its reputation still holds firm and Football teams visiting Gigg Lane have been known to stop the team coach for Fish and Chips there before heading homeward, which is always a good sign.
Plumping for the eat-in option I was impressed by the swanky decor including comfy leather seats and flowers on the table. The prices reflected this high level of comfort and style, £7 for Cod, Chips and Peas with a choice of white or brown bread and a cup of tea is top end for this part of the world. But any misgivings about Tompson's price policy soon disappeared as my plate arrived.
The slice of Lemon was another classy touch. Mind you at Fosters of Alderley Edge they even give you a slice of lemon on your takeaway, now that is posh!
The chips were a delight, solid, chunky and cooked to perfection. The fish was good too, fair sized with a light, crispy batter coating. On the minus side, although Tartare Sauce was provided, I wasn't offered the brown or tomato option (and I'm a brown sauce man, Hammond’s Chop if you want to be really specific). Also and this is not a criticism solely of Tompson's but the majority of chippies, what is it with these luminous green mushy peas? Has there been some culinary decree that I've missed out on? Mushy peas should be proper processed peas boiled up in their shells. The result is a greeny-greyish concoction that’s not particularly visually appealing but tastes delicious. Now nearly every chippy serves up these frozen ones with the extra bright food colouring. Well, I'm agin it and I want the world to know! OK, rant over. Anyway despite these minor criticisms, Tompson’s did indeed deliver the goods and they score a very respectable seven out of ten rating overall. Best in Bury? Probably but I'm searching for the “toppermost of the poppermost” and my search goes on!